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Apr. 9th, 2007 @ 01:57 am
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From my last journal I think i have done a complete 180. I am very proud of myself. And as always there will be room for improvement. Right now I am just figuring out what I want to do with my life, i got lost for a couple or four years. I want to help out my community out. I want to be the involved mom, that is really embarrassing, yeah that will be:)
I want to work with philanthropies, doing what I don't know yet. I want to help people to the best of my ability. I have always known that I was put on this earth to brighten someone's life. I want to write a book, I want to motivate young girls. That kinda scares me that I will be motivating young girls, I will be an influence...scary. I have always had a passion for making people feel comfortable with themselves. I used to give uplifting speeches to some of the girls in my house, and I still do at the bars when there is a girl crying. I don't know but for some reason I want to motivate people, I want to create good in the world. I could as easily sell products and i would be awesome at it, but I don't think that is what I want to do with my whole life.
I want to sell a message. I want to sell a way of life I guess...scary. |
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May. 31st, 2006 @ 02:37 am
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Why is it so hard to care about someone. Why is it so hard to have feelings again and why am I falling so hard. I don't want to fall if someone won't catch me and I don't want to be kicked when i am already down.
I really like a guy, I tend to say this often. He is different, I tend to say that too. There is still something different about him. I am comfortable around him, he makes me smile even when he isn't around. Even though I have been trying to come up with reasons why I don't like him, it makes me like him even more. He is on my level or atleast close to it. He has made me realize a lot of things that I need to change in my life even though he probably barely knows it. I have grown so much as a person just because of him.
I am scared, i move to Purdue tomorrow, and I know I have changed but I still don't know if it is enought ime to change completely. |
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Jan. 29th, 2006 @ 11:43 pm
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Why can't someone just tell me what I need to do...show me what my next step should be. I wish that I could see the big picture but it would ruin everything all the pain I am going through and all the joy that might come. I just don't understand I guess. I feel like whenever I feel somewhat stable I get pushed down again and I can't ever fully get up. Soon I will be laying down on the ground only able to lift a finger and that finger will pushed down and everything that I fight for, everything that I try to be strong for will be gone.
Life has bombarded me this school year and I don't know how much more I can take before I go absolutely insane. I can't deal with this and school work. i just can't. I am absolutely sick and I need to be in bed getting rest but instead I am too worried about other things going...I can't rest. I feel worthless I feel helpless and I just don't know what to do. |
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I hate mom trips, I have deemed them mom trips because they are a step above guilt trips, it's kinda of like a disappointment trip where my mom gets on her high horse and bashes me down. When she does this I feel so inadequate...I feel like I shit right now. It does not help me, it hurts cause when I feel like I can't accomplish something I quit. Yes I am a quitter...if I feel like I am gonna fail anyways I duck out, i take the easier road. It's how I protect/hurt myself. Life is grand ain't it. When I finally find something I want to do, that I could actually do for my life..she bashes it down and tells me I can't do it, well not that I can't but it's improbable. i don't understand how one person can have such an effect on me and my mood. I mean I guess I can I spent m life looking up to her and thinking she had everything all together and she doesn't I mean no one really does. I guess it just hurts to disappoint and to have your ideas bashed by someone you look up to, or atleast want direction from. |
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Nov. 16th, 2005 @ 10:31 pm
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I wonder if ne one reads this ne more coming to my site to see if I have wrote nething...
i have decided to update this and kinda myself to remind myself whats been going on.
I broke my phone cause I was mad, I have decided if you are mad confront the person the next mornign so you have a night to sleep on it and think. If you are really mad..find something other than ur phone to throw.
Last year at this time I had "talked" to four guys, this year I have maybe talked to one. Which I don't even consider it talking. What I mean by talking is being interested in someone, it's the middle stage of just being friends and going out with someone.
Hmm..
just got done with my exam/hell week on top of which I had lots of other things to do outside of school.
I feel like this year everything is being thrown at me from all directions. Like I am in the middle of an angry mob and people are throwing tomatoes and what ever else they find at me.
It started after fall break. The day I come back to Purdue my house is broken into, I felt violated I mean I was asleep upstairs while they did this. Then bout two weeks later I found out that the boy I babysat for has relapsed for a second time with leukemia. He was deemed Terminal..one year. Then just all the school stuff and this past week has stressed me out! I can deal with it but I'm gonna break from it sometime. |
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I AM: tired
I WANT: to be loved
I HAVE: a cough
I WISH: to find what I am looking for
I HATE: guys
I FEAR: not living
I SEARCH: for good hearts
I WONDER: when life will be good
I REGRET: the stupid things in my past
I LOVE: cuddling
I AM NOT: starved for attention
I DANCE: in my underwear
I CRY: when Im hurt
I WRITE: when I want
I WIN: if I get what I want
I LOSE: when I don't
I NEED: to not be stressed
I SHOULD: be sleeping
YES or NO:
YOU KEEP A DIARY: no
YOU HAVE A SECRET YOU HAVE NOT SHARED WITH ANYONE: yes
YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE: yes
Oct. 16th, 2005 @ 11:53 pm
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| » why is it so true |
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Brittany took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Tries to escape from her problems, difficulties, a..."
Click here to read the rest of the results.
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Oct. 9th, 2005 @ 10:11 pm
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| » falling down |
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It seems like everyone is falling in love...when will it be my turn.
Sep. 29th, 2005 @ 02:52 pm
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| » um so yeah |
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1. Reply with your name and I will write something I like about you.
2. I will then tell what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, I'll tell you what it would be.
4. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
5. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
6. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. Put this in your journal.
Aug. 2nd, 2005 @ 07:57 pm
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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) capsizedlife , I got bored of this journal.
Jun. 2nd, 2005 @ 05:13 pm
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